I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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