he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
