I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
