Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
