Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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