I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
