i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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