it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
