I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
