that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
