i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
