I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
