Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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