i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
