Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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