CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
