yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
