how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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