I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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