I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this will be a night to untag.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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