I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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