he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
