none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
