The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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