you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
