you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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