So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
