im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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