i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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