11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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