I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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