Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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