Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
