it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
