hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
