do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
