Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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