so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
