i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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