yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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