I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
