He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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