OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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