I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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