Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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