remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
