But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
