Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
