Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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