; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish I could teleport
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize