(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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