My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
