Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
