YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
