I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
