Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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