There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
