I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
